Well I'm not gonna force you to read my blog, but if you should happen to stumble upon it, take the time to sift through it as it may prove to be of some relevance to you. God forbid, you may actually enjoy it and you would wish to click the button which would mean you were eternally my follower. There isn't really any sort of meaning or specific task that this blog sets out to fulfil, think of it as bohemian.

Thursday, 26 November 2009

I wish I could feel happy for longer than three days at a time.

I feel inadequate. Worried. Angry. Deprived.

The worst thing is I feel as if I'm a terrible person for feeling like this because there are people worse off than me. I wish that everything could be made clear to me what I have to do so that i could spend less time worrying about that and more time actually doing it.

With every morsel of happiness I get, there's a great big side serving of grief to make it slide down the proverbial gullet even quicker. Sometimes I wish that instead I could just choke on it and get it over with so that I wouldn't have to go over that process again.

I feel like I get let down a lot. But I'm so very paranoid of that being repeated that I completely forget about it the instance that I feel like I'm going nowhere with anything else. Its probably why I'm too forgiving. Sometimes I just know I shouldn't forgive someone or even let someone into my life but, I'm so worried that they might be the last person I'd ever know that I just can't do that.

I'm too afraid of these things.

But I'm also too brave to take into consideration the effect it might have on my psyche. I think that there's no point, just go, do it, forget about yourself. Thus leading onto my altruism.

I think one day I will write out the inner workings of my mind. It'd have to be very basic of course as the full picture is far too complex to convey in simple pixels.

But maybe if you ask politely, I might just tell you all of that story.


  1. i always feel shit for feeling shit because i know my life could be worse. it's a vicious cycle.