Just had the biggest urge.

To download Reason and create some dubstep.

If its good enough I'll post it here :)

I've felt this feeling before. A few times.

It means something for sure, but I guess it just needs to be confirmed.

Means it could be the end, but I could beat it like before. We'll see.

Ha.

Talented mc.

Cry.

That is all.

Alright, gonna record this acoustic album, then play some gigs, and then, maybe I'll feel a bit happier about myself.

Alright then.

When I go back to college.

Fuck work. I'm going to spend my time writing songs for the acoustic album I promised myself I'd record as a new years resolution.

Its the only way I feel any gratification and satisfaction, so why waste my efforts fruitlessly toiling on the laborious things I wish I never pursued?



Yeah I thought so.

June 14th 2010

I will get to see the most beautiful, talented, amazing, perfect man on the planet, play his most beautiful songs.

And I would've died if I missed that.

...

:')


Thank you Paula!!!!!

...

:'(

I'm writing you a song.

And there's just so much that I wanna say,
But these words won't let me say it the right way.
And I feel like you don't care.

This isn't just another game,
I know I'm probably just another name.
And I wish I didn't care.

Damn it, I would wait forever,
Wait forever for you.
The saddest part of this story,
Is how I never knew.

What to do?

Just thinking about my life really. As if I ever stop ha.

I just don't really know what I want anymore. I thought I did. I used to know what I wanted. Everything. Now its just, its like people are throwing millions of things at me and I can't decide what I want in case I don't make the grade.

I wish I hadn't gone to college, that's one thing I know for sure. I wish I went straight to Degree level. After finding out that I could've a few days ago, I felt like the biggest timewaster in the world. I just think how much happier I could have been! It would've been amazing!

I guess I'll just wait another two years though.

Fuck my life.

No really. I mean it.

Here's a poem I wrote, because I'm quite sad.

Even if these words were painted by you,
They could never be beautiful because,
They came from a coarse mouth,
Deprived of your sweet kiss.
I'd tenderly wait,
I'd aimlessly wait.
I'd endlessly wait.
I'll probably drown.

These waters of yours,
Are too brutal for me.
I can't find surface in you,
You make me sink.
Even after I've hit the ocean floor,
I'll still wait forever,
Attached to the bottom.

But still floating with you.
These words would never be beautiful,
I've painted no masterpiece.

But I've got comfort in my arms because,
You're here at least.

I'm staring across the sea,
Of my own success and failure.
Seems like if I tried to drown,
I'd wash up on the beach.

You gotta be kidding me,
As if you hadn't noticed.
Don't give me that.

Turns out this beach,
Was really the desert.
I reach out to these countless mirages.
Still thinking they can be touched.

You think forty days and nights was tough?
Try walking that all your life.
I've lost my destination.
But I never had a beginning.

Well, here it is.

"Hi yes thats great sorry haven been able to call you as we are quite busy today. the only worry i have is the health and safety stuff as your are under 18. i think we cud def arrange sumthin part time and mayb more in vacation. I wil get an email together :)"

"Ok good to hear from you :) if it made it any better i could arrange to take a course and get a certificate for first aid and blood borne pathogens. Speak to you soon :)"

"I was kind of thinkin startin with some reception work to train you about the studio consent forms etc. sterilisation before moving on to actual piercing. we would need to train you to do the stuff you haven done also. if that sounds ok."

"Yeah that sounds cool. How long would that process take roughly?"

"That kind of depends on how fast you learn. usually we teach people from scratch but you already have some experience which is good. the only issue i have is your age as i would need to find out how health and safety law would be as you are under 18."

"I usually find i'm a quick learner and it doesn't take much to give me the push but we'll see how that goes. Yeah i understand, i hope it isn't a problem haha that would suck."

"Yeah to be honest the rules can be different for minors so i need to check them out."

"I had a little look at the legislation regarding under 18s and seems to be its fine so long as a risk assessment has been made with regards to the employee. That would sound fine to me i'm not sure if that'd be a problem i mean, I've had jobs as a steward before and had risk assessments run and everything passed just fine."

"Yeah i have no experience of under 18s or risk assesment as i only normally interview 18 plus due 2 nature of the business"

"Yeah i can understand. Umm, so where would we go from here?"

"Well i just have to look into it more"

"Ok then. Well thanks for getting back to me when you're busy and I'll hopefully hear from you soon :)"



I don't know if that's good or bad =/

My phone.

Has beeped 37 times today.

AND STILL NOTHING. I'M SO TENSE UGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I'm waiting on the phone call.

That could change my life.



And yes, I'm shittin' my pants.

Wow.

So, I've been offered an apprenticeship in a piercing parlour. I mean, wow. That came out of nowhere. I contacted the owner back in August and he e-mails me back last night asking if I'm still interested.

I'm so, like, I don't even know!

Plus, my belts are too big for me :)

Maybe things are looking up?