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What the hell is happening to me :'(

I want to die.

I, umm. I'm still just as confused as the first day.

I've never felt lower.

Or more terrified.

I mean, I'm on the verge of my life just being shot to bits. I really am the most scared I've ever been in my life.

Election Night.

And I feel strangely excited.

How odd.

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Ask me anything http://formspring.me/ArrigoVerde

It was a situation where, normally you'd be happy.

But to be honest, it kinda killed me =/

I'm disgusted in myself for almost making it seem like a game, like I had lost. As if it were some ultimate prize that I was fighting for. It's so much more than that though, and I did lose really.

I lost that which I never had in the first place.

If I could turn back time, maybe I would've tried to make it even clearer to you. Could've spared me a few things.





Let me explain how I feel right now.

I've got the most insane and electrified butterflies in my stomach but... All of their wings have been pulled off. So all they can do, is crawl. Crawl inside of me and make me feel sick and putrid.



Maybe that would help?

Just had the biggest urge.

To download Reason and create some dubstep.

If its good enough I'll post it here :)

I've felt this feeling before. A few times.

It means something for sure, but I guess it just needs to be confirmed.

Means it could be the end, but I could beat it like before. We'll see.

Ha.

Talented mc.

Cry.

That is all.

Alright, gonna record this acoustic album, then play some gigs, and then, maybe I'll feel a bit happier about myself.

Alright then.

When I go back to college.

Fuck work. I'm going to spend my time writing songs for the acoustic album I promised myself I'd record as a new years resolution.

Its the only way I feel any gratification and satisfaction, so why waste my efforts fruitlessly toiling on the laborious things I wish I never pursued?



Yeah I thought so.

June 14th 2010

I will get to see the most beautiful, talented, amazing, perfect man on the planet, play his most beautiful songs.

And I would've died if I missed that.

...

:')


Thank you Paula!!!!!

...

:'(

I'm writing you a song.

And there's just so much that I wanna say,
But these words won't let me say it the right way.
And I feel like you don't care.

This isn't just another game,
I know I'm probably just another name.
And I wish I didn't care.

Damn it, I would wait forever,
Wait forever for you.
The saddest part of this story,
Is how I never knew.

What to do?

Just thinking about my life really. As if I ever stop ha.

I just don't really know what I want anymore. I thought I did. I used to know what I wanted. Everything. Now its just, its like people are throwing millions of things at me and I can't decide what I want in case I don't make the grade.

I wish I hadn't gone to college, that's one thing I know for sure. I wish I went straight to Degree level. After finding out that I could've a few days ago, I felt like the biggest timewaster in the world. I just think how much happier I could have been! It would've been amazing!

I guess I'll just wait another two years though.

Fuck my life.

No really. I mean it.

Here's a poem I wrote, because I'm quite sad.

Even if these words were painted by you,
They could never be beautiful because,
They came from a coarse mouth,
Deprived of your sweet kiss.
I'd tenderly wait,
I'd aimlessly wait.
I'd endlessly wait.
I'll probably drown.

These waters of yours,
Are too brutal for me.
I can't find surface in you,
You make me sink.
Even after I've hit the ocean floor,
I'll still wait forever,
Attached to the bottom.

But still floating with you.
These words would never be beautiful,
I've painted no masterpiece.

But I've got comfort in my arms because,
You're here at least.